By Linda Hart Green
My father was a jeweler and a watchmaker. He carried on his family’s business which lasted through three generations. He had excellent fine motor skills and could manipulate the tiny intricate parts of watches made when watches were a treasure to be passed down and before batteries became the norm. When someone’s watch stopped working, he could take off the back and look inside and find the problem. Often there was a linear, mechanical solution and he could fix it.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could take the backs off society’s entrenched situations, find the problems and fix them? Voila! Backs are put back on and we tick away with liberty and justice for all. The world in which we live doesn’t work that way. As far back as the 1960s, social scientists were saying our society’s issues are more like clouds than clocks. The problems are multi-layered and multifaceted and dynamic. They have biological, psychological, social and structural components.
The polarization of our country is a first-order cloud-like problem. It’s acute and getting worse.
I got involved in the work of conflict transformation when I worked as a congregational consultant for my denomination in Massachusetts in the 1990s. It is more accurate to say I got plunged into the work up to my neck as I was assigned to help congregations in conflict. I scrambled to find resources and to learn whatever I could to offer help. I learned a lot through trial and error.
I have continued my interest in this area since my retirement. In 2022, I traveled to Northern Ireland and learned about how that country has dealt and is dealing with their legacy from “The Troubles.” Several years ago, I was working with others here in our community to bring a diverse group of folks together to have civil dialogue around a variety of issues. I found out about a group doing just that in Tallahassee called The Village Square, Inc. I am still a member of their online community. Our small group here ended its efforts and then the pandemic hit and well, you get it. Everything has gotten harder and more complicated. I recently attended an online lecture sponsored by The Village Square with Dr. Peter Coleman from Columbia University on his book, “The Way Out.” I am still processing what I learned from that lecture and look forward to reading the book. The website for the book offers a great deal of practical guidance if you click on the link for the ”engage” section of it.
Here is one insight that needs to be highlighted. When we continually respond to people and situations with anger, it becomes addictive. It actually activates pleasure centers in our brains. Dr. Coleman says that our polarization has made us addicted to outrage from either side of the spectrum. That outrage is fed by various media which he called “conflict entrepreneurs.” They are making money off of our divisiveness. Why would they do anything to turn down the temperature?
We have to be the ones to turn down the temperature. We have to be the ones to risk having civil conversations with those with whom we disagree.
We can’t start with trying to discuss politics. We have to take some time to get to know another’s story and what makes them tick. We have to start one by one and two by two. We need to remember that conflict is not inherently bad. It is a natural part of life and it can help us learn and grow.
Dr. Coleman strikes a hopeful note when he references “ripeness theory.” At least, it feels hopeful to me. When things become difficult, there comes a moment when the opportunity to begin to resolve tensions appears. People get fed up with feeling stressed and exhausted by the way things are. They become willing to go out of their comfort zones to make a difference. When I heard this, I was reminded of the quote by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, “The time is always right to do what is right.” (Chicago, 1966)
My father had to go to watchmaker’s school to learn how to fix watches. The time is right to take ourselves to conflict school to learn and to practice ways we can be part of the movement to bring down the temperature and work together toward solutions for our problems.
Thanks Linda! Excellent observations especially the area on anger and how we do not manage it.
Sorry, not happening. The root cause of the polarization described is social media itself. It acts like a accelerant/catalyst for issues, and the more “Intense” the issue, the stronger the effect of the catalyst that feeds the flames.
Sorry, the Geanie is out of the bottle, and it is too late to put it back in.
“We have to be the ones to risk having civil conversations with those with whom we disagree.”. Linda Green
Bad advice Miss Green. It is this attitude that has allowed evil to fester in our society. We used to have a group of people in our country called the “silent majority”. I submit to you that it is these people and that attitude, with their heads stuck in the sand, that have not defended our nation as She was slowly being attacked.
Today we are witnessing real evil and people are starting to fight back. We see one political party openly endorse the killing of babies in the womb, the redefinition of marriage and an open border policy that promotes drug and sex trafficking.
It is good and dare I say healthy for us to be having these difficult conversations about evil and our unwillingness to tolerate it.
” The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do (say) nothing”. Edmund Burke.
You’re spot on. Attempting to have a civil conversation with left leaning people is counterproductive because they refuse to see any other viewpoints but their own. It’s a proven fact that MANY people who have been of that ideology that have gone to conservative rallies have found themselves welcomed and their ability to openly discuss their thoughts with those there are a delight. Not so with the shoe on the other foot.
Lucyp74, I realize you were not responding to me directly, but I am curious about something in your comment. You mention that it is a proven fact that left leaning people are unwilling to see other viewpoints and are warmly welcomed at conservatives leaning rallies. Would you care to let me and other Observer readers know what your source(s) are for this information? I am not familiar with them. I see people on both sides that are unwilling to see other people’s viewpoints.
Interesting, as my experience is just the opposite.
not mine
Very insightful. More work in conflict resolution and collaborative problem solving is definitely needed.
Not going to happen in the age of social media.
It is easier to start with commonalities rather than differences. Then real conversation has a base with which to start.
Two things help overcome people not being able to hear each other. One is getting to know someone and realizing they are basically good people, even if they are liberal or conservative or Black or white or Muslim or whatever. The other is working together towards a goal greater than the individuals, such as building a park or saving land for conservation. We should remember that it is a very small minority of people stoking the fires of division in order to distract us and divert our attention from the real problem in the world: the continued and increasing funneling of money and power into the pockets of the super wealthy. Many polls show that most of us are much less divided than we hear about in the news.
Thanks, Mark. You get it. Dr. Peter Coleman says most are in the “exhausted majority.” It would like to see us turn into the “ hopeful majority.” In other conflict theory I’ve read, finding a “superordinate goal” also helps people turn down the temperature, as you wisely mention. There are so many here on our beautiful island that need our help!
Stay, responsive, not reactive!
A common story I’ve heard from many of my fellow conservatives is this sad need by some of our liberal friends to convert us to their narrow beliefs. Many of us have lost friendships as a result. I said goodbye to a friend of 40 years who felt it was her right to tell me I needed to “open your eyes” and conform to her opinion. I’ve had neighbors who actually thought it was appropriate to tell me who I should vote for knowing full well I was inclined to do otherwise. I have relatives who quickly resort to actually screaming. Trump Derangement Syndrome really is a thing. People not understanding why someone would support Trump even if they didn’t much care for his antics/behavior. People who feel they have the right to imply one is stupid, narrow minded, bigoted, selfish, etc. because they have a difference of opinion. People who key my car because they don’t like my bumper sticker. People in a store who feel entitled to criticize or comment on my T-shirt because they don’t like the slogan on it. A real superiority complex. It’s quite nasty. I’m sorry but I’m tired of being lectured to by people I don’t agree with. Folks, if I want your political opinion I’ll ask for it. I know who you are and what we have in common … I avoid political topics with you … I’d appreciate you keeping your opinions to yourself and stop trying to “recruit” me. You’re not interested in my opinion … I’m not interested in yours. Sadly when people give the “kumbaya” speech it is in the hope that you’ll listen to THEM and get to accept their beliefs … it is not a two way street.
On my first trip to the Philippines, I was given this bit of advice…..”Do NOT discuss politics or religion with the local populace. Otherwise, have fun”. It was great advice. I find that today, in America, that advice holds up well also. People can get amped up and polarized when the subject is discussed.
I remember Morgan Freeman’s answer to Mike Wallace years ago about how to combat racism……”Stop talking about it” was his reply. That was perfect…..maybe if we all just stop talking or writing about these issues, we can get along a bit better.