Submitted by Suanne Z. Thamm
Reporter – News Analyst
March 16, 2016 1:00 a.m.
Thanks to humor writer Dave Barry and crime writer Carl Hiaasen, Florida’s colorful characters, weird facts and dumb criminals have become well known to those of us who live in the Sunshine State. Not much can surprise us any more. But the punch lines just seem to keep coming—especially when our Legislature is in session.
For those of you who have recently moved to the Sunshine State and who may not be familiar with some of the more unique laws of our state, here’s a sample, courtesy The French District (http://frenchdistrict.com/florida/funny-stupid-weird-laws-florida-county-city/#ixzz4308M9CX6):
Starting with the absurd…
- It is prohibited to see your child.
- It is considered an offense to shower…naked.
- Doors to all public buildings must open outwards.
- If an elephant is tied to a parking meter…the parking must be paid!
All hail to Women’s rights…
- Unmarried women are prohibited from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine and/or jail.
- Women are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day.
- A woman can get a ticket for falling asleep under a hair dryer.
Protect wildlife
- Having sex with a porcupine is illegal.
- Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
- The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages.
Bedroom manners
- While having sex, only the “missionary” position is legal.
- You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
Stop! Resist!
- No farting in public after 6 pm.
- Men may not be seen in public in any kind of strapless gown.
- It is illegal to sing in public…when wearing a swimsuit!
Freshman alert!
- It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
And don’t forget those local laws such as:
- Torpedoes may not be set off in the city (Destin);
- A woman can be fined – only posthumously—if she was electrocuted in the bathtub using beauty tools (Pensacola);
- It is illegal to eat cottage cheese after 6:00 p.m. (Tampa)
This is not to say that all our legislators are happy to keep some of the more extreme, outdated laws in effect. Florida lawmakers signed off on legislation Wednesday to repeal a 148-year-old law that prohibits unmarried couples from living together.
The Florida House passed the cohabitation repeal bill (SB 498) by a 112-5 vote, sending it to Republican Gov. Rick Scott for his signature. The Senate passed the bill last week unanimously. Lawmakers have tried in previous years to repeal the law but have been unsuccessful.
But even this could not be passed on a unanimous vote. The Five Republicans who opposed it on the House floor were: Reps. Janet Adkins of Fernandina Beach, Brad Drake of Eucheeanna, Mike Hill of Pensacola Beach, Jennifer Sullivan of Mount Dora and Charles Van Zant of Keystone Heights.
While we in Nassau County can claim Janet Adkins as our own, this is just the latest in some bizarre thinking from Charles Van Zant, who in 2014 appeared to link common core educational standards to homosexuality. According to Scott Keyes, who on May 19, 2014, reported in Think Progress (http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2014/05/19/3439163/state-rep-common-core-gay/):
“Common Core may not be a well-intentioned set of improved educational standards, as supporters would have you believe, but instead a trojan horse designed to turn every schoolchild in Florida, if not America, gay.
“This ominous warning came at an anti-Common Core event in March courtesy of Florida State Rep. Charles Van Zant (R). Speaking at the “Operation Education Conference” in Orlando, Van Zant warned that officials implementing Common Core in Florida are “promoting as hard as they can any youth that is interested in the LGBT agenda.”
“Their aim, Van Zant warned, was to “attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can.” He then apologized to the crowd for having to be the bearer of bad news. “I really hate to bring you that news,” the Florida Republican said, “but you need to know.”
“VAN ZANT: These people, that will now receive $220 million from the state of Florida unless this is stopped, will promote double-mindedness in state education and attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can. I’m sorry to report that to you.”
But our legislators are not just concerned about cohabitation and common core. According to the Florida League of Women’s Voters website http://thefloridavoter.org/capitol-report-2016-session-week-8/
“As if to prove that one never knows what they will see before the hankie drops ending each legislative session, Senator Gaetz (R-Niceville) provided the pudding. In a last ditch effort to revive legislation allowing the open carrying of handguns by concealed permit holders throughout our state, Gaetz filed an amendment adding his already-rejected language (SB 300) to an obscure bill that aims to lift a ban on the manufacturing or sales of a maritime tool known as a slungshot. The tool was once a 19th-Century gang weapon.
“But Gaetz withdrew his amendment because of a Senate rule that bars lawmakers on the Senate floor from tacking language from a bill that has stalled in the committee process onto a separate bill. The open-carry measure — approved a month ago in the House in a mostly party-line 80-38 vote — did not get through the Senate Judiciary Committee. The slungshot measure (HB 4009) will go before the Senate for a final vote Friday. The House has unanimously approved the slungshot proposal.”
So just when you thing you have seen it all, heard it all, sit back and have a sip of sweet tea. The Legislature will reconvene next year.
There is a reason all public building doors must open outwards. In the event a building must be evacuated, a large number of people will press toward the exits. If the doors open inward, the pressing of the bodies will effectively prevent them from opening. Those against the doors can even suffocate as the pressure builds to the point where they can no longer inhale.
Whether you agree or disagree with someone in office, please let’s not turn this into yet another political blog. As a news outlet, you’ve been quite successful passively reporting the debates in City Hall. As a political blog, you’ll become yet another divisive influence in an already overheated political climate. It’s your choice, of course.
politics aside, it would be very interesting to hear from Ms Adkins her reason for voting against the bill.