Police blotter blast . . .

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Submitted by Deborah Lavery PowersPolice Station Sign

Staff Reporter

The following are highlights from some of the narrative reports on file at the Fernandina Police Headquarters.

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Hangin’ Out didn’t seem to realize that sitting in a downtown bar wasn’t necessarily the best place for him to be at 1013 p.m. of an evening — especially when he had an outstanding warrant out for his arrest.   One of our Officers spotted Hangin’ inside the bar — and it was  Nassau County Jail time.

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Semi-Automatic was a little absent-minded — or so it seems.  She left her Browning Arms 99 mm, as well as  her beach house,  behind when she headed home to Georgia.  At Semi-Automatic’s request, Police gained access to her beach home and retrieved her weapon.  It was safely stored at Headquarters until Semi had made her  unplanned-upon  turn-around trip to Fernandina to pick it up.

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Oh My Gosh had a bad day.  She accidentally gave Wrong Person somebody else’s license and credit union ID Card.   Oh My Gosh also gave Wrong  $500 instead of the $50 she was supposed to receive.     And, wouldn’t ya’ know, nobody has seen  Wrong dashing back to the credit union to return the extra money.  Not yet, anyway.

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Slippers Left Behind may or may not have been the one who broke a window in a public building the other night.  Police believe it was either he, or his friend,  Eluded Police Capture who did it.     Police probably can identify both of these  guys.

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It was 2 o’clock in the afternoon — downtown —  when Missing His Belongings looked up and saw his Reddish Orange GT surfboard riding down the street inside somebody else’s car!     Oh where, oh where, did my surfboard go?

Related Story:  Weekly comments from Dale Martin

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Collecting Scrap Metal may or may not have been the person who stole  Neighbor’s $150 lawnmower a few weeks ago.  Neighbor suspects him, though, because he saw Collecting walk through his back yard with two garbage bags’ full of aluminum cans the other day.

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Have to wonder where Spirits Advantage Card Owner thinks he left his keys.  He may never know!  His Voice Mailbox is full — and the three other telephone numbers  listed at his Jacksonville address are all disconnected. 

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Concrete Edging threw a piece of composite material made up of water, aggregate and cement through a church hall window.    Nobody witnessed Concrete in action.  Hard to believe he meant the edging as a tithe. 

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Only One Yuengling did not do well on the Field Sobriety Test.   Betcha’ don’t have  to wonder  what happened after  Only One provided Police with his brother’s ID information rather than his own — and  Police  afterward discovered that Only was driving on a suspended license — and was also reported to be an Habitual Offender.

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Just Diagnosed was recently found to be suffering from dementia.  But she has been well enough to drive when  her husband has been in the car with her.  She has never taken the car out alone.  Not until last week, that is,  when Husband was in the hospital for surgery and thought she was sitting in the lobby, waiting to drive him home.  She wasn’t.  A BOLO was issued at 1130.  A hit and run was reported downtown at 1230.  Husband was able to contact Just Diagnosed on her cell phone, and she told him where she could be found.  Just about 3 blocks from the accident.  Both Husband and Just are okay.  They went home by taxi.

Related Story:  Nassau County Sheriff's Office acquires facial recognition program

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On the Beach thinks he dropped his wallet in the sand.  But it wasn’t to be found.

His back-home-again-in-Georgia local police told him he had to submit a report to the Fernandina Beach Police in order for his license number to be legally changed and a new one issued to him. 

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If I’m Going to Jail decided that if he was going to be trotted off to the Nassau County Detention Facility, the Police might as well have a good reason for taking him there.  So, what did he do?  He threw a flower pot through his girlfriend’s car windshield when she threatened to call Police during an argument they were having.  Damage?  $700.

Girlfriend was given a State’s Attorney Office referral card regarding the criminal mischief of If I’m Going.

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What Happened #1 and What Happened #2 — each having the same last name  [brothers?] —  left their pick-up at a beach access at about 10:30 p.m.  They remember it being locked when they walked off.    When they returned  at about 1:30 a.m., the driver’s side window was rolled down about an inch, and all sorts of things were missing:  backpacks, sunglasses, iPhones, credit cards, health cards, licenses, etc.  But one has  to wonder.  Are wallets are out of season?     None were reported missing.   No evidence of forced entry was discovered, either.  No more information is available.

Deb Powers Cropped 3 Editor’s Note: After a career in adult education, where writing, course design and development were her “beat”, Deborah now enjoys the world of freelancing, and volunteering.  Deborah covers the police beat for the Fernandina Observer writing weekly “Police blotter blasts . . .”   We thank Deborah for her many contributions.

July 5, 2013 11:40 a.m.

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2 Responses to Police blotter blast . . .

  1. Len Kreger says:

    These police blotter blasts are humorous, but of questionable value.

    I remember one where a friend of mine was arrested for Hit and Run to property to property and transferred to the County Jail. The individual had a stroke, and neither the FBPD or the Sheriff personnel at the jail failed to note his disorientated condition and physical condition. After a day of searching and locating him he was immediately taken to the hospital for treatment, and rehabilitation.

    Maybe a follow up without the humor is in order.

  2. MR says:

    I have a hard time following the paragraphs with the made-up names. Thought you might want to know. Maybe just use person A or person B.

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