By Rev. Linda Hart Green
In 2010, I was a pastor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. The town’s name may mean nothing to you unless you are a New Jersey transplant to Florida like me, but how about the name Tyler Clementi? Have you heard of him? If not, I want to tell you a little about his story because it has a direct bearing on a topic that is drawing debate in our community.
First, the topic: Our city’s annual Pride festivities, which have been approved by the city’s special events committee, composed of city department staff, are being challenged by Jack Knocke, executive director of Citizens Defending Freedom (CDF)-Nassau. Knocke thinks Pride festivities potentially harm children. Pastor Zach Terry of First Baptist Church wrote an opinion for the Citizens Journal Florida news outlet (April 10) supporting Knocke’s efforts and adding his own inflammatory language regarding this issue.
Tyler’s story will give you another view as to who is really in danger.
Tyler Clementi was just 18 years old and only a month into his college program at Rutgers University when he took his own life by jumping off the George Washington Bridge. Tyler and his family had long roots in Ridgewood. The family did not go to my church but to the Evangelical church on the other side of town. Tyler was known in our high school as a gifted student academically and as a talented violinist. Most of the clergy in town attend the elaborate high school graduation to support their students, and I saw Tyler graduate with honors.
What in the world would drive such a beloved and talented young man to take his life? He had just come out as gay to his family and a few of his friends before leaving for college. And once there, he was a victim of a horrible cyber bullying incident at his dorm where a video of him with another young man was taken secretly and made public.
Needless to say, our town went into shock and mourning. Our interfaith clergy group held emergency meetings. The high school held a candlelight vigil. The school also brought in mental health counselors for his grieving friends and for other students who were struggling with their identities.
You couldn’t know this, but Ridgewood is a wealthy town. Every possible resource is available. The high school looks like the campus of an Ivy League university. Bad things like this are not supposed to happen there. But they did.
Tyler’s home church was also torn apart. The church had been very public about condemning homosexuality, and the pastor did not participate in our clergy group because it was interfaith. I don’t mean just different Protestant denominations! I mean we were Jewish, Roman Catholic, Protestant, Unitarian Universalist, Hindu, Muslim and Sikh.
Here’s what Tyler’s mother said in an interview 10 years after his death when she could finally bear to read letters he left behind: “No one should ever feel as unworthy as Tyler felt, as he hid how sad and lonely he felt. He was working so hard to hide who he loved from those that loved him the most, his family … his mom … me.” (USA Today, Sept. 23, 2020)
In Tyler’s memory, the family started the Tyler Clementi Foundation. That’s where you might have heard the name. It is nationally known for its work against bullying and discrimination of LGBTQ youth. USA Today wrote about Tyler’s mom’s work: “Clementi also focuses on changing behaviors and attitudes within faith communities. She believes the denunciations of gay life that Tyler heard in their Evangelical community contributed to his pain.”
What our town is dealing with now reminds me of those tumultuous days of my ministry 13 years ago. I can’t help but wonder, “What if Tyler had had a Pride festival to go to in that town’s park? What if he could have seen other families of all shapes and sizes come together to relax and have fun? What if he’d had a pastor to whom he could turn for guidance and support?”
I will be at this Pride festival and every one that comes after. I will always stand up for the Tylers. I hope you will too.
Linda Hart Green is Pastor Emeritus of Emmanuel Church, Ridgewood, N.J. and co-owner of Shady Ladies Art Studios and Gallery in Fernandina Beach. She holds an M.Div. and a Certificate in Pastoral Leadership Development from Princeton Theological Seminary.
I am no Bible scholar, nor do I have a theological degree, so I will merely leave the verses from the Bible, that the author of this article is probably well aware of. Leviticus 18:22, 20:13, Romans 1:18-28. And a question, why is it so important for some people to celebrate what their preference is or what happens in their bedroom. I surely don’t want to know what is going on in my neighbors bedrooms nor should my children.
But don’t you already?
If you see a man and woman you already know. Programmed by societal constructs.
You’re making something sexual about a relationship. It’s not about sex.
Sorry… I hit send too soon.
Your take on relationships, as a whole, is limited.
Are you suggesting all couple’s (hetero or otherwise) relationships are summed up by sexual activity? Or just the LGBTQ+ community?
I’d suggest to you that you are keenly unaware to some of the activities, even your hetero church going friends, subscribe to.
Relationships and marriages are much more dynamic than the physical act of sex. I’d encourage that those throwing stones of “perversion and morality” check themselves.
Perhaps you should read Matthew 7:1-3 King James Version.
Please stop making a movement that is about love and acceptance about anything else. That would be the Christian thing to do.
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Christine, in response to letter f: f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
We need this verified before Shrimp Fest!
Good point Sheila. Your entire town may be disobedient. LOL
Thank you Rev. Green for an excellent article. I hope the satire I posted above will make people think when quoting the Bible.
Then don’t go to their celebration.
Just curious, Cliff’s comment had 5 likes early this morning but now it shows none. How does that happen?
Cliff’s comment is current showing 1 like. If you hover the pointer over that, it shows as 8 likes and 7 dislikes. No funny business with “changing votes”, just simple math.
like that
Obey or be tortured for eternity sounds like a loving god? LMAO
This my friend is the very reason you need Jesus a buffer if you will between the mass killings of the old testament and salvation. Good Lord!
So very well stated! The line of the song comes to mind: “they’ll know we are Christians by our love.”
Thank you Linda for standing up so eloquently. I stand with you! Jesus was not righteous nor judgemental, rather accepting and loving. Thank you for being a real example!!
I’ll be at the festivals with you, Linda, and I hope many in our town will be there also.
I believe I’ll attend the festivities this year. I have friends and loved one I need to show my support and love of/to. I probably have even more friends and loved ones that I’m not even aware that need support and love. I’ll be there.
BINGO! It’s never about “them.” It’s about “us,” the human family.
Our Lord teaches us to love the sinner, but not the sin. All too often, Pride parades seem to me to be celebrating the sin. That, I can not support. I can celebrate the individual and his/her contribution to society. If one is wrestling with their identity, I can surely pray for them and show them compassion. Have a Compassion Parade and I will be there.
The Lord teaches us to love our neighbor as ourselves. This artificial separation has led many to feel justified in doing terrible things to others in the guise of “ hating the sin.”
“Our Lord teaches us to love the sinner, but not the sin.” Does He teach this? By labeling someone else a “sinner,” we condemn the sin of someone else as worse than our own sin. We Christians pay lip service to the idea that “We are all sinners” but we reveal that we do not really believe this when label someone else a “sinner.” Our Lord did teach us in Matthew 22:37-40 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” NIV
I believe the minute we let fear and judgement in our hearts we crowd out our capacity for love, and especially in this situation, risk doing great harm. The God I worship is big enough to handle any judging required without my help. I’m grateful for that because 1) I don’t have to have the answers to all the nuanced and complex issues and 2) I have enough of my own sin to answer for. It’s good news I don’t have to answer for yours or anyone else’s! I just have to love God and love my neighbor. Just love. I’m not called to hate anything, although I am often called to have my heart broken for the pain of the marginalized and oppressed.
Thank you Lynda
Thank you for sharing your experiences, Linda. Our community needs to hear more about the compassionate way to live from their spiritual leaders. More people need to stand up and speak out against bigotry and hatred. Someone suggested a “Compassion Parade,” and I think that the Pride Festival, the MLK parade, and other community activities do just that and are well received. I encourage you to go to the parade and festival with an open heart and meet some of the people there. You don’t need to agree with anything to be there, but you will see loving famiies, smiles and maybe make some new friends.
I agree Peg, this is why the Federal government should take over state and local zoning laws. Gentrification has and is playing a big part of who gets compassion.
Isn’t ironic that an organization who’s name says it’s defending freedom wants to deny people defending their freedom. Shame on them. And shame on anyone giving them any credibility.
They’re only defending their freedom to inflict their biased, hate-filled beliefs on everyone else.
One of the main reasons Flirida needs a Democratic Govenor. Long live Micky.
Sex outside of marriage is a sin.
Paul certainly had a lot to say about that.
What’s next the Muslim call to prayer in Fernandina? Pride is a double edge sword.
While this is a tragedy this young man took his life due to bullying, the REAL issue here. Currently, our society is bending too far to accommodate to one side or the other rather than even attempting to meet in the middle. The problem with social media allowing EVERYTHING being posted immediately and it living on the internet FOREVER helps nothing. I feel that parents need to be better at communicating with their children, understanding WHO they are, accepting them for WHO they are, and keeping them safe from all forms of bullying. I believe everyone should be able to live their lives however they choose without fear, but I also don’t want other’s beliefs being forced into me. I hope their celebration is a success, however, I won’t be attending.
Thank you for sharing the story of Tyler. Having said that, it is difficult to explain to my children why there needs to be an HIV testing van at the pride festival and why there are men dressed as women and dressed as furries. I believe everyone should celebrate their sexuality, however I disagree the best place to do that is a children’s playground. I enjoy the occasional drag show at a bar, however I do not believe it’s appropriate for my children, so that is why I support having a pride festival, however not at the children’s playground. Some parents are fine for their children to experience some of the things I’ve mentioned above however it’s up to a parent to determine what is and is not appropriate for their children to witness. I think a good spot would be maybe renting out a hall for the event or possibly down by the marina in one of the lots that we have blockaded off for events.
You can explain that HIV is a disease that people get, (including heterosexual people) and screening is available.
beware the first weekend in May, you’ll see all sorts of people dressed up like pirates and such.
its a good thing we live in a world where boys can wear dresses and women can wear any damn thing they please.
You are welcome to teach your children why there is a much higher prevalence of HIV in the gay community and why they have the HIV testing van at the festival. You are also welcome to teach your children that boys can be girls. Or girls can be elephants. Whatever you want. However when you go to a playground with other people’s children playing, you would be hard pressed to push those beliefs into other children with their parents standing right there. The same goes for public schools, you can teach your kids about Buddha or Muhammad or whoever you like, but keep that out of the public schools. You have no business to instruct what other parents should teach their children especially when you’re telling your kids that it’s socially appropriate for men to wear dresses and to do the splits in thongs and garter belts with a full face of clown makeup. This is an event that should not be held at a playground. Obviously celebrate whatever sex you like to do or whatever kink you’re into, just should not happen at a playground with children
The “children’s playground” is only a small portion of Central Park, not the entire park. Other events are frequently held there, but don’t receive as much attention as this one, despite having things that could be very objectionable to other people.
The playground has recently been expanded and the room to hold such a festival is also diminished. Like I said the parking lot near the marina is a wonderful beautiful space that also doesn’t encompass a playground
Children are much more resilient and accepting than most people give them credit for. The anti-Pride folks are more about “protecting” their narrow-minded beliefs and dogmas and uncomfortableness with anything different from themselves than about protecting their children. Don’t believe in being gay, then don’t be gay. Don’t believe in abortion, then don’t have one. But stop trying to force your religious beliefs onto other people. It is unChristian and unAmerican and anti-democratic.
No one is forcing anyone’s religious beliefs on anyone nor should one force their sexual beliefs on to anyone. there are sexual undertones to the pride festival (I’ve attended) and I do think there are elements which are inappropriate for some children, particularly because in our family we do raise our children to accept people are different however we also teach them theres a thing called biology and Boys can not be girls and vice versa. I also think it’s inappropriate for men to dress in thongs ad skirts and dance around and do splifs in front of children. No one is stopping the pride festival but some things are approbation in a playground full of children and some things are not and it’s important to know your audience and self a location appropriately.
Resilient and accepting? Or do you mean it’s easier to groom them from an early age? I would prefer not to teach my children that if they are a boy, they can be a girl or if they’re a girl they can be a hobbit. This has nothing to do with religion and the trans movement is completely against everything we know about biology and I think by having that sort of celebration by a children’s playground is trying to push an agenda which is false, instead of worrying about my religion (which I never ever mentioned btw) you should be more worried about the fact this movement is pushing to cut the body parts off of children instead of getting them therapy for their body dysphoria. Would you tell an anorexic “yes I understand you FEEL fat, so I’m going to support you by offering you liposuction!” Hell no. And this is one of the many reasons why this festival should not be held in a playground
Ashley
If you want to talk about biology please reference
https://youtu.be/kT0HJkr1jj4
https://youtu.be/stUl_OapUso
I am not going to your links however when they dig a woman or a man up and test their dna thousands of years ago, their DNA will tell the truth. We need to be truth seeking. Yes people can dress how they like but the line is drawn when you try to influence children to have body dysphoria. This is not something we want at our children’s playground
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Over 130 people a day will take their life. If you know or suspect that someone is at risk, please encourage them to dial 988.
Thank you so much Rev. Green. You speak eloquently for so many of us in this community. Regardless of our faith tradition, surely we are called to love and care for one another. I plan to attend again this year to support our friends and neighbors in the LGBQT community. For those who are uncomfortable in a joyful local event, well, attendance isn’t compulsory. Freedom of religion means that each of us can practice as we choose. It doesn’t mean we can put our neighbors under our thumbs.
Thank you Reverend Green for this important commentary. Could you (or someone) please post the details of this year’s celebration. I would like to attend and provide support.
June 10! Parade followed by the festival in Central Park. Parade is usual parade route. Details on thee FB PRIDE website.
Thank you!
[…] Source link […]
“Historically, gender dysphoria only affected a small percentage of children, less than 0.01 percent, and almost all the cases were boys.
Today, the U.S. has seen an estimated 1,000 percent rise in gender dysphoria over the past decade, and the UK has reported a more than 4,000 percent rise in girls demanding gender
“treatments.” And 70 percent of “sex reassignment” surgeries were done on girls.”
im good with this not being at our playground and inappropriately influencing our children, they have enough to handle as it is.
I’m sorry if it’s your habit to go to this specific park every single Saturday at exactly this time since you’ve made it clear how worried you are about your kids being near our LGBTQ+ community. Despite the inconvenience, perhaps you could use the Egan’s Creek or Pirate Playgrounds, or find another activity on this day? We’re so lucky to have a vibrant community with so many options!
This park happens to be on my block, so yes we go frequently and often: More over, other peoples children also go to this playground and it is unapproachable to be held around anyone’s children, not just mine, I am not raising my children to tell them that the body they were born with is wrong, or there’s something wrong with it, and it’s no one’s place to put that seed of confusion in my child’s brain. You would never encourage an anorexic to get liposuction because they THINK they’re fat so yes it’s wrong to confuse children to think their body wasn’t made exactly how it was supposed to, my kids shouldn’t have to miss out on their playground which is on their street simply because men was to parade around in BDSM outfits and dressed up at a caricature of a woman. Fernandina has plenty of open spaces that would be more appropriate without influencing others children